Powerless
by InvisibleRainX
Summary: One Shot. First Person.


_Powerless - One-shot._

My heart, I could feel it hammering and pounding so loudly and vividly within my chest. With every beat, it ached. I couldn't stand the agony it inflicted on me, I could feel my body wanting to turn around, as I gripped onto the weapon in my hand, my palm sweaty from the stress that hauled and leaned on my shoulders. I just wanted to pull the trigger, have the bullet rip through my own skull - if it could prevent what I was about to do, then by all means, please. Just let me fall from these steps and expire...All I could feel was the guilt rip through my chest, tearing its way up my throat - I wanted to scream. My hands shook violently. Why exactly was I doing this? Every time I thought about just why, why I was doing it... I tried to deny it, tried to hide it. Was I really about to betray someone I loved? Was it all going to be worth it? I stopped, staring at the Loft's door. I could feel the fear overtaking me, the rise of adrenaline and guilt attack my veins. I was scared, I was petrified. I didn't want to do this, if I was to walk away... The death of three other people I cared about would be at sake, how did I get myself into this? How was I dragged into this chaos...This anguish, I could barely contain myself anymore - who the hell was I?. The moment I pushed the door open, the sound of it swinging open alerted Michael. His eyes staring right at me, he smiled. Greeting me. He looked so caring and cheerful to see me. I tried my best to hide the fear and distress that filled my veins.

Smiling back at him as he took a spoonful of his favourite flavoured yogurt. He raised his eyebrows -keeping his smile plastered on his face...

"Hey Sam"

He smiled and placed his yogurt down, no longer leaning against the workbench in the small kitchen. He slowly made his way towards the refrigerator, I knew exactly what he was doing - getting me a beer...Not only did his actions carve a blade in my heart, I could feel the fear and betrayal gut me up -twisting that blade, turning and twisting it deeper into my heart. My stomach started to turn, I tried to smile. I couldn't do it...It hurt too much, I could feel the tears start to attack and threaten my eyes...Without a word, I knew Michael would suspect something was different, something was wrong. It was only a matter of minutes before he hesitated and studied my face. His eyes narrowed on the sweat drops that trailed down my forehead. The red that surfaced my neck, he could clearly see the struggle...Could he see the fear and pressure within my eyes. Of course he could, this was Michael...

"Sam, are you ok?"

He asked, I could hear the concern escape his lips. It was written all over his face. As he placed a hand on my shoulder, the concern on his face broke me...Swallowing, trying to dissolve and rid the guilt that resides in my throat. I could feel the dryness start to evolve, I couldn't speak...The tears were now slowly falling from my eyes. Michael could see just how distraught and unease I really was now, it startled him...He then placed his other hand on my shoulder, he stood right before me. I Stared at him intensely, trying to wrap my mind around everything. Questioning my purpose, my actions... It wasn't long before my mind just shut down, I didn't think anymore. I gave in and did what I was ordered to do...Threatened to do.

Michael leaned in, trying to comfort and inquire on my status. at that moment, I swiftly struck him. Smacking his hands off my shoulders, as he stumbled backwards. Startled by my aggressive response, I cracked him in the face, I could hear the crack of his jaw - the sound sent shivers down my entire body, Goosebumps travelled up and down my bare flesh. Mortified of the sound and my own actions. It wasn't long before Michael retaliated out of shock, he hit me square in the face, yet - the punch was small and weak, He was going easy on me...Please, Michael. Don't make this harder than it is, Please brother...

Michael kept his distance, shouting my name. He screamed at me, he wanted to know why I was acting like this, why was I harming him? What was my intention. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to let him know. The pain started to rush right through me, the sorrow pinching me. the tears were streaming down my cheeks now... I couldn't hold it in anymore... I was now, forcing myself to strike him harder...

Grabbing collar of his shirt, I forced myself forwards and pushed Michael up against the wall. As I slammed into him - forcing his back and head against the wall, he let out a small grunt as his head collided with the bottom shelf on the wall. I held him there, my eyes glued to his. I breathed heavily as I restrained him. Taking out my weapon, my hand shook even more than it had ever done before. I couldn't believe I was pressing the muzzle of my own weapon against my best friend's chest, best friend? He wasn't just a best friend, he was my brother...He would always look out for me, even in his darkest hours...He would fight for me, just like I would for him...There was no one else I'd take a bullet for in this world... Yet, here I was... Threatening his life... The look in his eyes tore me, broke me and completely devastated me...

"Mike...Don't make this any harder than it.. already is, Brother... Please"

I managed to let out, the sorrow drained my face - the sadness clearly heard within each word. The tears fell endlessly as Michael dropped his shoulders, dropping his guard. He listened to me, he could see the strain... he could see someone else was pulling my strings...He saw just how much it hurt...

"Sam... what's going on?"

He asked, his voice low. I pushed him against the wall, warning him. I really don't know why I did it. I hated everything about what I was doing, I hated hearing any words come from his mouth right now. I could still see the hurt and concern in his face; even with me almost breaking his jaw, smacking him against the wall. He was still worried for me; Why was I doing this? I just kept asking myself that very same question, over and over... I couldn't find an answer.

Lowering my face, I grit my teeth, Clenching my jaw. I screamed. Pressing the muzzled against Michael's chest harder, I was too lost to think.. too scared and feeling the traitor in me flow through my veins. Trying to breathe, trying to steady my own breath. I couldn't take any of it anymore.

"He... Has Maddie, Fi and Elsa, Mike..."

I managed to huff, my face still hidden. My eyes narrowed on the weapon as I looked down. I flexed my hands on the handle, slowly. I looked up and locked my eyes with his; Michael knew exactly who I was talking about. He knew already just by the mention of his family being held captive...

I tried everything to prevent this from happening, I did everything Anson told me... I can't do this..._this_? He wanted me to murder my brother for their freedom. I thought he had already tested me enough; the odd jobs he gave me, behind Mike's back...Why did it all have to collide and come to this? None of it made any sense, how was I to know if they were safe, even if I did finish the job? I could feel my heart breaking as that very look on Michael's face started to appear...

"Sam..."

He swallowed and grabbed my hand as it held the gun, tightly in my grasp. Michael then pushed the weapon up, sliding it up his chest. He pinned it against his left pec, targeting his heart. His fingers were now pressing against my index finger, against the trigger - He gave me a soft and reassuring smile, he was telling me that it was ok, that he understood and forgave me... My eyes widen, my heart stopped. I couldn't breathe... In that moment, the pressure against my index finger is tightened, the sound of the push and click, the shock and resonance of the bullet echoed through the loft. I froze, I could hear that last gasp escape Michael's breath as the bullet ripped through his chest, exiting through his back...As his body dropped, I managed to catch him. His weight heavy. My knees collapsed, falling with him. I shook violently. Grasping and gripping onto his shirt, I screamed and let out all of the anger, hurt and guilt that struggled to escape, it seized and haunted me...I started to sob as I held onto my brother...

"I'm Sorry Mike... I'm so sorry..."

I could feel my heart aching, it was pounding so hard. I swear it was about to jump out of my chest...It may as well have, I just destroyed one of the most important thing in my life. I may have saved Madeline, Fiona and Elsa... But how, How do I explain this? How do I explain to the only two women in his life that I killed him...The Last thing he saw was me, pressing my weapon against his chest and pulling the trigger. There was no going back now, I was to walk away and never come back. Leave. Fiona would never forgive me, she'd put a bullet in me...Right now, I just didn't care if it came to that...

Hearing the crack and screech of the Loft's door, I look up. Seeing him, so much rage surged through my body, it almost caused me to fall unconscious with the pure and shocking amount that caused my head to throb, my hands.. hell, my entire body started to shake... I couldn't restrain myself anymore..

"Wow, Sam. I didn't think you had it in you"

His tone filled with happiness, gloating as he pulled my strings. His smile only angered me further. As he slowly made his way towards me, it occurred to me.. I still held onto my weapon, I could end this. Right now, I could do what we all wanted to do, end this son of a bitch...However; reality hit me.. if I were to place a bullet in his chest, or his head for that matter. Fiona would be sitting in prison for the rest of her life... I'd have ruined everything Mike had been fighting for.. he'd have died for nothing..

"They're safe, I had them sent back to Madeline's place after I watched you murder your best friend.."

Anson was now standing before me, he then moved down towards Michael.. to gloat and possibly skip around him, celebrating his victory. I don't know, but I was far too shaken up to even move. I hadn't moved a single muscle since he fell into my arms..I still held onto him. Suddenly, I felt the weapon be pulled from my brittle grip. I watched, my eyes frozen and completely glazed as Michael suddenly jumped up, twisting his body. He aimed the weapon at Anson, within a single thought, a single breath. He shot Anson straight in between the eyes. I just sat there, completely baffled and gobsmacked by the very sudden turn of events...I couldn't quite believe my eyes at that moment, my face was drenched in tears of sorrow for losing my brother, red and sore. I just looked at him as Anson's body dropped to the ground... I could feel my throat tense up, I couldn't speak...Michael Westen, you bastard. You knew all along...

_**Authors Note:**_

_Sorry for rustiness - I was dealing with the after-effects of a migraine as I wrote this._

_Quick, little drabble/One-shot. Created from a dream. First person view. Thought I'd try that like I did with "Am I living or dead". Thanks for the R&R's (if any)! Love to you all. Next Chapter of "Not Alone" should be up soon._


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